Cramming My Lost & Found

I am a crammer.

I cram things down so I don’t have to deal with them. Feelings, memories, circumstances… anything that may cause me discomfort or pain. And anything that I don’t feel equipped to deal with at the moment. It is true of my heart, and it is definitely true of my closets, cupboards, and cubbies.

God forbid you open a drawer looking for something while you are visiting. You may just see how completely and hopelessly disorganized I am. Sure I “pin” things on organization while perusing Pinterest, but let’s be real here… I don’t actually plan on doing any of them.

The same is true of my heart. If you dare to open it, you may not like what you see. Years of hurts and losses and not quite good enough’s, all crammed down deep. It’s like Pandora’s box when you open it, but the treasures aren’t exactly treasures. More like “participation” awards, decades in the making.

Cramming has saved me many emotional meltdowns over the years, but the problem is that the stuff is still in there long after the initial cramming takes place. Remember the drawer scenario? All that crap is still in there, just unorganized and hard to find. Lost, really.

Over the past several months, I have been surfacing some of the previously crammed crud. Sometimes because it has just floated to the top, like it was wearing a freaking life preserver. And sometimes more like an archeological dig to surface the skeletons of historic times. Either way, there is not much joy in the process.

What I am banking on though, is that allowing myself to finally deal with the crazy stuff I have continuously crammed down, will ultimately allow my weathered heart to heal. Hoping that surfacing these painful nuggets of fun will allow me to move on in a more centered, more accepting, albeit more imperfect way.

What once was lost may now be found. And along with the finding, I will be more equipped to find the joy and laughter and love that has occasionally been more of a bandaid in my life. What I am searching for is that pure emotion that will bubble up freely, right through my previously crammed core. Settling gently and joyously on top of it all. Finally found.

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*Today’s post was inspired by the writing prompt, lost. Many more brave bloggers have shared their thoughts on the subject and can be found by clicking over to Lisa-Jo Baker’s Five Minute Friday section on her blog. Take a peak!

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10 thoughts on “Cramming My Lost & Found

  1. chicaandbubba June 28, 2014 at 9:15 am Reply

    Visiting from FMF. Thanks for sharing this! It’s a tough job to dig through the crammed drawers….I surely have my fair share of them. It’s even tougher to uncover those feelings and experiences that seem lost. May your journey lead to true healing and joy bubbling freely!

    • trisbendickson June 28, 2014 at 9:22 am Reply

      Thank you for stopping by 🙂 Wishing you blessings and joy as well!

  2. Dazee June 28, 2014 at 9:56 am Reply

    I am visiting from FMF and enjoyed your post. You have a beautiful blog and I plan to come back and visit again. Glad to hear those skeletons will be dealt with, The older we get the tougher they get. It was nice to meet you and read your thoughts about Lost. If you want to read mine you can find it at http://www.gr8tfull.blogspot.com. Thank you for sharing!

    • trisbendickson June 28, 2014 at 10:00 am Reply

      So glad you stopped by 🙂 Grateful for your kind feedback and encouragement! Looking forward to visiting your blog as well. Hugs to you, FMF friend!

  3. Helen June 28, 2014 at 2:13 pm Reply

    Great, honest, post.

    • trisbendickson June 28, 2014 at 2:48 pm Reply

      Thank you Helen 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

  4. Anne June 28, 2014 at 6:39 pm Reply

    Tris, I can relate deeply with your words here. You are brave, friend, for the baring of your soul both here in these words, and in digging up old emotions. It’s hard and painful work, but in the end there is light and peace. Blessings to you as you courageously continue this journey! From one cramming person to another. You are not alone!

    • trisbendickson June 28, 2014 at 8:34 pm Reply

      Thank you, Anne, for reminding me that I’m not alone. Grateful for your kind and encouraging words 🙂

  5. margretdj June 30, 2014 at 6:39 am Reply

    Wao, I can related with your post. I love it and it makes think and dig into my heart. I thought I was alone. I need to start a healing process and is hard. Thank you for sharing.

    • trisbendickson June 30, 2014 at 6:30 pm Reply

      Always comforting to know we’re not alone 🙂 Thank you for sharing your feedback. This is just a little step toward our self-awareness and may provide the right motivation we need to continue in the right direction. Feeling blessed ❤

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