31 Days of Soul Searching – Day 22 {Blame}

Day 22

Thank you for continuing this month-long journey of soul searching with me! I am so grateful for your company while I dig deep into the issues that impact my overall fulfillment in life.

Some of my finds have been triggers that bring about destructive behaviors. Some have been gifts that, if tapped into fully, can truly enhance the beauty in life. Finding these treasures is giving me a greater understanding of how I can empower myself to make positive changes. I hope you are feeling empowered through this searching too!

Today, I am exposing one of my biggest “drag me down” and “get in my own way” traps. This one isn’t so much a trigger, and it certainly isn’t a gift. It traps my mind into all the wrong ways of thinking.

{Blame} seems to surface when I least expect it and then somehow finds the source of everything that is wrong in my life.

Let’s play the “blame game” for a minute to illustrate my point…

I have this huge pile of rogue laundry that has hijacked my bedroom chair. It’s there because I am just too busy to deal with it. I am too busy to deal with it because my work takes precedence over chores at home. Work takes precedence over chores at home because that is what pays the bills. If I didn’t have a job, my laundry would be clean, folded, and organized. Darn job’s fault!

Fun game, right? You try.

Actually, when you recognize what a destructive force blame really is, it isn’t that much fun to play. It has a hand in the pounds I’ve packed on lately, the chores I have ignored, the disappointment I feel when other’s let me down, the excuses I tell myself to justify things in my life, and the unfounded conclusions I have come to about myself.

Sometimes I direct my blame toward other people:  If only they would have been raised differently, if they had their priorities straight, if they weren’t so selfish. (Their fault)

But most of the time, I direct the blame toward myself:  If I would have made different choices, if I wasn’t such a push-over, if I was stronger and more capable. (My fault)

The burning question here is…  WHO CARES WHOSE FAULT IT IS ANYWAY???!!!

Blaming shifts the burden of fault, and that simply means that when we are looking for something or someone to blame, we are not looking for a solution.

This little nugget of truth bears repeating…

When we are looking for something or someone to blame, we are not looking for a solution!

Wait, did I just blame “blame” for all of this? Pretty much!

Thinking of things in my life that are un-done, not well-done, or need to be re-done. The common factor with all of those things is that blame is standing in the way of the solution. When I take away the blame, I can figure out my next steps.

The “blame game” tends to trap us and keep us stuck in the problem. No solutions will surface when we remain stuck in the problem! But if we can remove that as an obstacle, then we can move forward.

The next time I am tempted to blame something or someone for my circumstances, I will be approaching things differently. When my mind wanders to the place it usually goes, I will reply with a defiant “who cares whose fault it is?”. That should be enough to beat the trap and get on to the steps of solution.

Wondering…

In what ways is blame keeping you trapped in your life?

The next time you are tempted to play the “blame game”, how will you handle it?

What are the risks to your well-being if you continue blaming?

The reality is that most times, it doesn’t really matter whose fault things are. That is just something we seek to avoid the pain or discomfort of the situation. It keeps us stuck. It justifies other emotions like anger and resentment, which is unhealthy. And for me, it keeps me from completely accepting things for what they are, as they are.

Blame is a barrier in my life. Removing it can open up new ways of thinking, being, and believing.

solution

 

*This is the 22nd post in a 31 day series on Soul Searching. To follow the series from the beginning, simply click here and you will be directed to the introductory post which contains links to each day’s topic.

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3 thoughts on “31 Days of Soul Searching – Day 22 {Blame}

  1. Kathleen Caron October 23, 2013 at 8:13 am Reply

    Very true, there is no need to assign blame, and I think we do that to avoid guilt or assuage it. And good for you with sticking with the 30 days schedule, that’s awesome!

    • trisbendickson October 23, 2013 at 10:39 am Reply

      Kathleen, thank you for stopping by 🙂 Isn’t it funny how we can recognize the issues, but it is always more challenging to change them. I’m sure trying though! Grateful for your encouragement!

  2. […] 31 Days of Soul Searching – Day 22 {Blame} (trisbendickson.wordpress.com) […]

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