The Truth About Truth

Truth. What a loaded word.

Prompted by the Five Minute Friday topic of “truth” today has gotten me thinking. {Over thinking.}

You see, I know what truth is. I know what it should look like. I know how it should feel. But so many times in my life, truth has evaded me like a thief in the night.

My truth is built on lies. I grew up thinking things that I was told were true. Why would anyone question that? But I learned to question. And all that questioning leads to one doubting even the foundational truths in life.

As a result, I find it difficult to trust. I run every slightly off sounding comment through a series of mental challenges to see if it will hold up. I trust only a few people fully. And I build insurmountable walls with the rest.

The old saying “fool me once – shame on you, but fool me twice – shame on me” plays in my head like a broken record. Shame on me, shame on me, shame on me.

If they can’t get close, they cannot hurt you. Right?

Arms length is the distance I will keep you. How could I let you closer? How could I give you the chance to lie to me? And if I give you the chance, how could you hurt me that way. So, no. Close enough.

Ironically, I am very honest. I will not offer up my deepest truths to just anyone, but if you take the time to chip away at my soul, I will share my struggles. If you ask me a direct question, I would be hard pressed not to answer. I just pray that my truths won’t be used against me in some way.

The truth is that years of guarding my heart has caused me to want to be vulnerable sometimes. To want to share my truths. To finally get it out. To see if anyone in this big ol’ world can relate. To stop isolating myself. To not be alone. And to let go of those heavy burdens I have carried for so long.

But some of the truths I have lived are just too hard to face. Too much pain still. Too much sorrow.

With time comes healing and with healing comes hope. My hope for the future is that I can continue to build solid relationships instead of building up walls. That I will have the grace to forgive fully but also the insight to create healthy boundaries. That I am able to find peace with my past instead of allowing it to hold power in my present. And that my vulnerability will not be mistaken for weakness, but rather rejoiced in as the ultimate expression of strength that it is.

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2 thoughts on “The Truth About Truth

  1. Anne October 25, 2013 at 6:51 am Reply

    This is beautiful. I think we have lots in common in our stories.

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