On a recent trip to visit family in Charlotte, North Carolina, some things became very clear to me. Yet despite the moments of clarity, I have giant gaps of gray area. So many questions and so much uncertainty.
I had scribbled these words on my notepad during my flight…
If you have had the opportunity to peer out the tiny airplane window over the wing and out into the vastness of the friendly skies, you know what I meant by that. The billowy clouds appear to be the ultimate safety net from the view above them. The endless clear blue tranquility above the clouds creates the kind of calm that I have rarely felt in my life. Truly a site to marvel.
This particular trip was different from others I have made before. I always love to visit my sister, my brother-in-law, and my adorable little nephews, and this trip definitely gave me a great chance to see them. But there was something special about this trip and I came home with a renewed sense of purpose and drive.
I have such admiration for my lovely, accomplished, compassionate, amazing sister. Over the past several years I have watched her faith in God grow exponentially, as she has set a graceful example for those of us who have not yet completed our journey to true and complete trust in Him. I struggle sometimes with ‘letting go’ and fully embracing that there is an ultimate plan and that everything will be as it should be in the end. Challenges and obstacles in my life cause me to question things. They cause me to seek control in the outcome instead of the coveted ability to surrender my worries to our higher power.
This particular trip, I had some enlightening conversations with my sister that helped motivate me to feed my faith and starve my control issues. An incredibly challenging internal conflict this ignites within me, however. I am stuck with a mantra I have chanted over the years that “if it is to be, it is up to me”. And while I know I can control how I respond to things and I am able to choose my attitude, my perceptions, and often my course of action… will it be possible for me to relinquish my desire to control the outcomes in situations? The answer to that will be found in the weeks and months and years to come.
But what is the risk of not giving up my control issues? Fear. Disappointment. Sadness. Depression. Anxiety. Worry. Stress.
Well doesn’t that all sound pleasant? Um, no! So what have I got to lose here? There really are no risks. Sort of like that vision above the billowy clouds that represented the ultimate safety net. My journey to God and deepening my faith is well underway and I cannot wait to see what happens when my faith takes flight!