In the midst of Hurricane Sandy, on the opposite coast, I find myself caught in my own storm. A whirlwind of unpredictable and uncontrollable circumstances set in motion to destroy my peace of mind.
Bail money. I sure as hell never thought I would have first hand knowledge of that! And quite frankly, I would prefer to be completely ignorant of all that it entails. Jail, bail, all of it. No thank you.
Mixed up with the wrong kids, in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and lost in his own whirlwind, my step-son Chris found himself in trouble with the law. He has made choices that he is not proud of. And we are not proud of but are loving him through it.
We posted bail and he is living with us now and through his sentencing hearing in December. He was courageous in pleading guilty to the charges and is now facing consequences that are completely out of his control. And out of our control. The problem is that I am a bit of a control freak.
Worry has set in and an overwhelming feeling of despair clouds my days. How can I help him? How could this have happened? And how will the consequences that he is handed shape his future? Will it make him stronger, better, and more responsible? Or will it make him hardened and bitter? Will it lead him into a life of crime, or will he be one of the lucky ones who are able to overcome their circumstances and realize their potential?
There are very few things that can disappoint a parent (or step-parent) as much as the things that lead up to the consequence of possible prison time. But even greater than my disappointment in the situation that he has created, is a looming disappointment in myself. Clearly I could have and should have done something different in his life to guide him to the right path. Failure is a jagged pill to swallow.
For now… We wait. We ponder. We worry. We cry. We pray. We hope that God grants tender mercies. And we weather the storm.